To run, or to wait. I want to run so badly, and just be free. But the traps that surround me hinder me so, warning and screaming at my brain," Please don't go" I could have ran, a long time ago. But the traps keeps on appearing, their numbers continuing to grow.

I could take the risk, and make a break for it. And risk falling into a trap, making the game even harder to beat.

Or I could just wait. Wait and hope for a day, where the traps just disappear and stays that way.

Omg.. i'm so tired that i cant think straight haha.. o well expected of me...wanted to sleep early at the chalet but..cockroaches.. omg... why so many!... haiya i'm sucha wuss.. still got so much improving to do dunnid think so far...Today watch movie also cannot handle the shocks ... tsk tsk louis ar louis.. so bad XD

Just random but.. i just ate beadcurd... and at first i tot HEY its alright...until next few scoops.. eeeps....

MEOWSERS next time if any1 wan eat beadcurd... I'll share XD i cant handle the whole thing myself.. too....thick? for me :X

Huge drop in GPA.. 3 Cs.. how on earth i get C instead of B i dunno... Ok for programming i understand... for game development .. k i understand.. ppl do more than me i do so little.. fine.. but should at least B right =.=... designing... i write the most as compared to everybody else.. i got C.. i dun get it.. some ppl do the work so simple and plain also can get A .. logic not found seriously =.=...

Today did model shoot... also flop... well at least to me.. my presence is so bad ... i tried to talk more and be more lively but cant.. too shy and nervous.. so end up let the guy direct me all the way without adding any spark of my own.. haiz.. not a good day at all..

Alrighty little update from today ... went to Shine modelling agency and i must say.. I talked like.. u know la .. when i new at a place i start laughing like yujing and cracking the lamest of jokes.... but was really excited XD

They showed me pictures and like previous works and all that.. then boom here is where things start... apparently.. i will need to make a "namecard" which will have my pic on it.. 4 pics to be exact.. so they say the pics have to be studio taken type.. i wanted to get my friends to help but...then they recommend one for me... that cost $100 per "change" like... 1 is rock 2nd is urban all that random stuff.. so in the end paid 400 for 4 diff .. cus like.. u know.. 4 diff pic.. aiyo i dunno...i cant help but feel scammed even though my logical side is telling me its quite ok cus got hair makeup clothes artist and a moving director.. but... i dunno...I feel like i rushing into it ... I wanted friends to take my pics but i think in the end also... not up to standard .. FUSHSHHSHS

then got another 1.. course.. for modelling... he say until like WA I AM DINGJIE FREN AND I GOT POTENTIAL SO WAN ME GO FOR COURSE... i'm like.. uhhhhhh...i dunno.. to be honest i think its just a fake thing... say wad subsidize for me cus i got potential.. then 3 sec later pull out 1 paper with every detail printed.. like.. wad? If subsidize for me shouldent it be like u write a paper and like recommend and all that ? why got 1 print out so fast... very like.. skeptical...apparently the initial price is 600 but for me is 150... i kinda said i'll think abt it.. but to be honest i doubt i'd do it... they say will train me dress better groom all that.. i know i can improve somewhat in those aspects but.. i cant bear to pay for this la.. abit.. zzz to me...

the 400 i pay le no choice.. but b4 paying i think hao le... this photo will be proper stuff so.. even if they just in it for my money.. i can still use it for future stuff right? so its alright dun cha think ? :D well at least.. i'm trying to comfort myself thru that... i mean.. its true la .. the whole will use next time and all but...400$... for a studio and for pros.. i dunno...haiz.. even clothes i dunno abt price and worth.. wad makes u think i will know for this.. watever pay le.. dun wan think...

At first i super proud of myself that i finally did smth i wanna do...but as always..skeptical ppl ard me be the asshole lollol... the moment i come home they give me the why waste money face... then i think negative lo.. ya why i waste money... but at the same time.. maybe it'd work out .. and that this 400 will get my modelling career started? i dunno.. haiya... so mafan...

Then my sister after the wedding dinner today ask me.. why i dun tell her everything... she my sis i her bro she always tell me stuff but i dun tell her... well.. i guess this is why.. skeptical attitude and all that... i buy wad she somehow will say i waste money... i also know.. i dun wanna say i NEED stuff.. but rather want ... like this modelling thing.. its a want.. not a need... i also feel bad for burning 400 straight off.. but haiya.. no nid remind me..then say wad.. i pay without blinking an eye... i blink my eye like 1000 times ... first in excitement cus 100$ per session or change or watever sounds cheap.. but then turn into skepticism cus like.. i FEEL i nid 4 cus cannot be all same style right? so yeah lo...i dunno la...i already go for MINIMUM le...400$ for 4 change in looks...to me quite worth.. but aiya.. hear so much skeptical remarks until i dunno.. u tell me lo.. worth anot? i dunno... got so many other handsomer ppl.. chio 1 also.. i cannot win de lo... maybe not worth haha.. but 1 thing good that they said was.. i versatile.. whether is to like... entice me or watever.. i was like.. giggling all the way when i hear them praise me hhahaha.. versatile HAHAHAHAHAH... so funny la at that moment

*pats Dingjie back*

"Sorry ar dun wan offend u but... i think u more versatile then wayne"

I laughed lollol.. i mean i did say NO LA.. but still funny moment cus DJ face at that moment was like... the shit!?

wad shud i doooo... i shoulden't sign up for the course right? the 400 worth?

There is a difference between Letting the person go.. and confronting the problem.. Today.. it was a run... escaping and DEFINITELY NOT Confronting the problem at all

I saw the prompt.. i saw ur hesitation .. i'm not blind.. i'm not stupid either .. I walk away in an obvious avoidance manner..hoping that u would open ur big yap that u always crap shit ard with.. nope.. silent.. Its alright for me to type it here.. since u dun read my blog .. but lucky for u .. i'm sure ur frens, as well as my own.. do read my blog and u will soon be informed of this just like how u informed them of other things..

Yes.. i am and was angry the entire way from then on.. i so wanted to leave immediately after possibly giving u a huge punch.. But wad to do... u were never to be trusted.. u always said that wad u said is not clear... not obvious.. sorry.. it is to me.. i read things very deeply and based off of wad u said.. its as clear as day...

And to my other friend.. despite not showing any harsh attitude to u...doesn't change what happened...it was not a simple discussion nor a mere comment here and there... its prying..shoulden't u respect my decision whether or not i say anything and like "tame" ur desire for the answer? There are so many factors that both of u are oblivious of that are very profound to me... factors that I constantly look into and considered which led to my decision of keeping things quiet...

U both have to learn to look at the bigger picture and not zoom straight into one thing.. Did any of u even considered how i would feel if it was opening discussed just like that? Doubt so... Did the big mouth consider how the curious one would feel based on what he said and how he structured his sentence? Doubt so... Think

Am i so difficult to read? Do i have to give u like.. signs? Don't any of u notice how my face changes each time frustration is seen when the topic u both discussed is opening joked about? Screw this.. i cant just type shit out here where my blog is so open =.=...watever

Its not about time.. its about the effort.. one right move at the right time is all it takes .. no hesitation just one two three go ... that's all...I ignore u to let u know i'm angry and i want u to know WHY i'm angry with u... the only reason this isnt a full scale fck fest is cause everything is finished.. done.. i'm sure u can catch wad i mean..

And.. respect. Respect for both my privacy and my decisions... u have ur aim and all but if it does not match with mine.. u should have stop...knowing that u are not joking abt it and answering with respect is not the same as respecting how i want things to be.. in short.. u respected my words(which i know from the start that u will) but u didnt respect my decisions..Its been so hard for me to keep things quiet and to put on a straight face and having it all go to waste the moment u were asked... no face watsoever.. ask and blurt out.. wtf? A NO would be awesome fyi