7 years, maybe 8 years and its over. Not the chase but everything.

Fun, happy before but as of late, not so much. I don't regret making the chase but I regret not making it full-blown obvious. Harsh but I'm don't feel like trying. What is seen and what is the actual reality is different. Without the chase, I am "different" and lets be real here. Normal me can't win the "better" me. I can be the "better" me but no.

There were 5. Now, making it 4 + 1. 

You were right. Things won't be the same and from the looks of things, they don't have to be. The person you knew never existed and was merely something I could "act" out for "special" reasons and would have continued to act out should I not make the first step 2/3 years ago. It still irritates me and puzzles me as to why you did not know but you know what, I can only blame myself for overestimating everything. It might have seem obvious to me but apparently not.

As always I am beating around the bush trying to explain things that I shoulden't even bother to. There won't be a 9th year to this duration. I don't see the point nor do I wan to waste everyones' time in trying. Seeing fake smiles, sarcastic and attitude filled messages, face brain busting indirect messages and whatever other nonsense that has been there all along.

And knowing the group, there might be attempts or even gunshots but just. No.  I don't know what has been going round but no one knows the situation but us. Haiz beating around the bush again.

I will talk to everyone. Everyone can talk to me. I won't be cold I won't be an ass. But don't see me as that close friend any more. Like Yujing and Brandon, I'm out. Heck I'm relatively not that close to them like before but whenever we meet we have a ball. Don't know why its so different for our case. 

When am I going NS? I don't know. Do I care to tell you? Yeah sure I would. My letter still ain't here so what do you want me to do? Don't straight up give me an attitude message. I don't know if you have heard any nonsense yet but even so its none of your business and you should talk/ask me based on OUR friendship not the GROUP'S friendship. And if you are thinking.. I got attitude you meh? Go read and think lo. 

Well. Two birthdays coming up. To the other. Early Happy Birthday and early sorry for I will not be attending your birthday celebration with the group. As for me. No. Just No.

Hectic Hectic

Somehow I feel more compelled and relaxed to post more now haha don't really know why but oh wells. Am still enjoying my work surprisingly. I thought by now I would be all up everyone's ass going all HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP GET ME OUT OF HERE but nope.

Birthday coming up soon and I kinda took away the date on my facebook for...obvious reasons :X So yep yep.. aint really excited for it mainly cause it means I need to skip work should anyone ask me out HAHAS SO ASS SIA ME :P But yeah... birthdays are just like.. adding a one to my age.. nth much and I dun really fancy a celebration..

I betcha most of u are like WHY THE HECK ARE YOU OT-ING SO MUCH U NEED MONEY MEH I TOT U RICH. Lol why not man.. nth to do also :P and I enjoy it so boom but nah on a serious note the its really cause I cant help myself.. I'm born VERY competitive and I hate losing out and/or seeing my numbers being lower than others.. money in this case. thats why when I play games, If i see some1 with a higher lvl than me, either I rush to beat him or I simply delete him off my list.. plus I MIGHT have a little REAAALLLLYYY LITTLE family money shit going on...aint big but I wanna do my best so thats why i work alot haha 

Sigh...i know its like a few days ago but the tone of a message is really getting to me now...

Influential people. Their vibe passes on and eventually everyone is contaminated with their essence. They forget the actual pattern of things and assume that the ideas embed in this very essence is how it should be. 

Every now and then I ask myself

"Should I delete my blog?"

Private it, or whatever crappo mama. And then I just end up reading old post and end up deciding not to. So weird right? I mean I don't post very often and often than not when i do its all those nasty rants. But me like reading my rants. Makes me remember whatever mistakes and whatever nonsense that is happening. 

So, why not private since its just for myself? Nah. I'll just let whoever read my nonsense and deal wit it. I've already bother and taken the time to make it as indirect as possible should I rant about someone as well as try my best to make it dang ass not obvious. So if someone reads it and assumes its about him or her or guesses correctly that it is about himself or herself then woopie dooo for you eh?

Just got back from Thailand and me being me, I didn't tell anyone that I even left haha and me posting this info would probably result in some mambo jambo happening but you know what I'll say it now... I AINT GOT NO SOVENIERS AND DANG I CANT SPELL IT ...GIFTS :P SORRREEEHHH XD but yeah it was fun i guess. Enjoyed myself and took the time to rest up for the upcoming work load EEKS

So yeah........I guess thats it ... dun even know why I decided to post.

I W B H I W W F 

I wonder if i can remember what these letters stand for if i read this post like...2 years later haha.. but yeahhhhhhh MUCH BETTER :P