Hmm... for some reason.. i decided to bear the full burden of nikki's operation.. at least.. in terms of money.. just transferred 1k to my sister's account..

I'm not to sure why.. but i feel like... i shuden make her pay for smth which I cause.. she just asked me why i did it.. and obviously i cant say this to her...she woulden accept the money.. heck she already wouldent want it...i had to say that i feel happy to pay.. which is kinda true cus it made me realise the importance of nikki.. but i kinda realise too that.. this is such a contradictive sentence.. seeing that i caused the problem to begin with.. all because i wanted to play my game..but thinking again... its not that.. my match ended.. i was just stupid and dumb.. as mentioned before.. its so funny how i talk abt competence when i can commit such dumb mistakes..bleh :P

My mom just walked in.. and pestered me to tell her why i pay and why my sister didnt mind not taking the money...she was insistent that my dad paid us when she told him not to... then in a turn of events.. where she kept pressurising me with things like.. i'm paying for my sis allowing her to buy more crap and like i dun take money srsly... haha i cried.. lol..cant help it.. cus i wanted to shout at her so bad.. but i still couldent do it .. cus it would cause more distress to everyone.. so i had to go for the soft approach with lead to tears instead of fire.. which.. i disliked.. i dun wan to be seen as weak.. plus.. it makes me look so unattactive..told her the real reason why i paid..

Anyway.. i was angry..till date she cant understand how my mind works.. i'm not stupid.. i know how to handle money... sure i spend more than most friends but at the same time.. i save much more than many... its based on percentage of the money i have.. i dunno how say but.. yeah... and like.. she say wad if she give me all her life-savings.. i would be soft hearted and give my sis.. i'm like.. i wont... and yet she was soooo persisitent to telling me how i shud save the money than give to sister despite me saying that i'm a person who analyze the situation before doing smth...and like.. i even told her I KNOW THAT YOU THINK THIS WAY LONG AGO.. like... srsly... i'm that fast...

Isit that hard to understand how i think...its just.. 2 - 3 steps ahead...in the end.. even though we ended off with a smile.. i'm typing this... i had to faked it off nicely for her before i yell at her for not being able to comprehend wad i've said despite shooting everything out to her...its been ages since i teared ..guess i know how much stress it is for some1 to ALMOST ( she kinda failed :X ) understand me... yikes.. thats kinda bad haha

Sometimes.. i feel like.. i'm just a scary person...if i met some1 like me.. o wait.. i did.. my teacher... and i kinda fear him...the idea that we can hurt anyone we choose to simply with our minds, figuratively speaking that is..

haha.. i even told her abt the whole one word affects the way i think... from raising your voice.. to adding a ONLY to the end of a sentence... even the speed of which u reply affects the way i judge u...i wonder if i met various types of people in my previous life.. cus for some reason.. i feel theres this portion of my brain that saves characteristics of certain people and when i observe these attributes being portrayed.. i am able to judge them ..isit normal? :X

Well.. i've kinda revealled alot here.. was reluctant too but o well... i'm already thinking too much abt my way of phrasing to ensure this doesnt come off too .. uhh...yucky? haha.. Louis ar louis.. cannot be so scary..try to be slower...dumber.. not act cus u do that very often...BE those things..jiayou ~