GOSH I DID IT AGAIN!

Just when i finally did a cover and am willingly to upload, I watch other people's cover and just get like super intimidated. Gosh... every single time.

i watched this... tell me it aint awesome lollol but this isnt the cover i did.. i did laserlight lollol

K WATEVER I GO SLEEP BYE BYE

Well i got my card thingy today and i gotta say. I HAVE NOT SEEN IT lollol

Don't dare to see, just like my exam results :P. Well at least one thing i've learnt is that, seeing the results immediately just gives u shit, while waiting for a long while before looking gives u unexpectedly good results soooooooooo i guess i shall wait.

Hmm, since i meeting SV on monday for tennis, which btw i am dreading cause, i sense loads of running for me due to aim issues hahas EVIL! maybe i shall see the card for the first time with them... maybe :X

TO BRING OR NOT TO BRING!

Don't worry, I'll try my best to structure my posts from now on. Too much ... hurts the eyes eh?

Its 5am now. Don't even know why i'm posting but i guess i'm feeling emotional from blog reading and probably anime. Surprisingly, I did not watch a sad anime. It was just my usual preference stuffs; Magic, Fighting. Its kinda cool how in those shows, the youngest of people have to shoulder the craziest of responsibilities and torture. And here i am, still frustrated and troubled by something so small.

"Live life to its fullest"

I'm sure everyone knows of this line and tries their best to follow it. I guess i should start trying to as well. I always felt that i was too young for so many things; to suffer, to talk about life, to love, that they were all meant to be for when we were adults. Well, i guess that's what made me feel that i was mature for my age. Thinking again, i guess i'm quite immature.

I used to laugh at and insult people for speaking of these things, speaking of love at what i consider to be a foolish age, or talking about life as if they've experienced it all, or suffer from pains that no one else could understand despite being only a teenager. For some reason, today, after watching an anime, I questioned my reason for doing so.

Haha, an anime. I don't even get why i'm thinking this way all of a sudden. Maybe i'm just being dramatic and trying to make a boring world feel more exciting like that of an anime, where friends have crazy bond where they jump in front of stabs or where parents look exactly of the same age as their teenage children. Hah.

But, its just a random and fun thought but, if these young kids can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, it ain't impossible for us teens to have "actual" problems, sufferings and all that right?

I've really got to stop thinking that i'm a child. Mature but still immature, crazy me. I'm 18, going 19 and yet here I am, still having the mentality that I'm too young for all those things. To be honest, even now, typing this, I feel stupid. Maybe i am. Maybe, in reality, i WAS right but am now wrong.

Too young. Gotta change my thinking.

Hahas, I wanted to post about my modelling issues again today but ended up with all this. Don't get myself sometimes. Read through what i've typed an honestly, I don't even know how i ended up with all that but o well, I guess i get my point.

Either way, I'm not 'Too young" to try and followed that phrase. I used to think that I was too young and that i have not endured enough suffering or pain to be allowed to "live life to its fullest". But, as selfish as it sounds, I'm not too young. We're never too young.

Do i sound stupid? Very dramatic eh? Haha maybe cause too much anime. Eitherway, I don't wanna let this modelling affect me so much. At least, i'm trying. I'll be brutally honest.

I feel stupid, scammed, disgusted with myself as of now. I hate that i'm so gullible about things due to my "too young" mentality. My friends know so much more than me, are so much more capable and for that, I feel annoyed with myself for not knowing as much. I hate people calling me sociable. Its because of my lack of socializing at a young age am i such a gullible person now, knowing so little about things that should have been know long ago.

Having said that, I'm happy that I still went for it. I dont even know how i'm gonna structure this but, i'm happy that i tried for this modelling thing. Sure i might have wasted $619 right off the bat but, its a learning experience as my friends said. I'm trying my best to be as positive and to live life to the fullest and keeping at it from now till the end. Haha such crazy things to say at such a young age. See there i go again. Too young? No .. gotta stop thinking like that.

I'm sure that i'll go against all this tomorrow after one nights rest but well, i'll type it out here first and see how things go. Thankful to all my friends who have assisted me in this matter. Going to try and keep this mentality throughout...even with results :P

Well, that was a very piece-ie post. I probably woulden't understand it let alone u guys. Don't mock me. I'm pretty sure what i'm typing to day made sense to me as of today. Whatever the case, i shall go sleep now and... well i'll leave it at that.. and... :D

Nights

Ps: I dont know why i suddenly typed this out in the middle of my post but it didnt fit so i shall just paste it here.

I recall having to face those "are you that stupid" face back when i first made "real" friends and by real i mean, friends and not classmates. Its like, when someone says 'OMG' and obviously everyone knows it stands for oh my god. But at that time, i didnt know cause i'm that slow and like... ya .. just ..MOVING ON..so yeah. I guess its kinda small but somehow it affected my confidence. I guess thats why the way i act now is to "copy" people. I'd rather not do something stupid and see those faces again. I dare not try to do new things and be original.

O well, i guess to start of the whole live life thing, i should start with my singing. Afterall, i've been wanting to do this whole post covers on youtube thing so as to actually get proper and not biased comments from people about my voice. Sucha troublesome thing but bleh :P I'll just do it.. hope i do though knowing me, once i sleep, this idea is *poof*

Went our with SV today for badminton and one lesson i really really gotta teach myself is to lose... yes to lose... gosh just like wad... 3 days ago? I fell down trying to return a tennis ball and now? I nose dived for a shuttlecock .. did i spell it right? :X

Well.. now i have two elbows with injuries crapo pants ..

ANYWAY as expected from the girls.. my pics were not of "professional" quality..which somehow was kinda expected.. I did see some off stuff here and there but knowing me i simply assumed that i was wrong and that it was made in such a way on purpose...

I'm not full out regretful of doing this... seeing that i know i will put the pictures to good use but.. the outcome was not worth the cost i dont know :X .. Very happy that SV suggested having a photoshoot, using the school studio and all.. I doubt its possible tho seeing that there are issues here and there but the fact that they suggested it was just .. awesome but now....ARGH TROUBLED .. told them i aint...but now i am RWARRR

Still I'm getting very frustrated.. this whole "take the course or you wont succeed" shit is pissing me off... Its $150.. i've spent like $619 as of now and heck to the no i wanna spend more...will i even earn back what i've paid? I dont know.. seeing the amount of people constantly joining.. its kinda hard to think about

Honestly, I dont care if he reads my blog... if he does then maybe i'll trust him cause he actually bothers to find out what my blog is.. but then again maybe he is just seeing whether he can write shit about me.. anyway my "good" friend who intro-ed me is pressuring me into taking up the course, saying that it will benefit me and that as my friend he wants me to succeed and to earn back what i've lost blah blah...

Ok first.. u aint my friend.. sorry to burst everyone's bubble.. I barely know u.. heck I didnt even talk to you the two years we were in the same class.. we are classmates and honestly.. the trust level isnt that high here unlike if my FRIEND tells me to do it..

Secondly you tell me that what you've learnt from the course is being put to use while u are talking to me and honestly.. I'm put off by that cause to me it sounds like what i will be learning is to talk bullshit.. I dont know how to explain it but...everyone sounded fake and bullshity to me when i was there..

Lastly, i hate how the way i m asked to sign up for this course sounds so threatening.. like if i dont take it i wont get a job cause i will fail the casting part of things cause i cant dress and cant speak..ok so maybe i aint as good as others who are more confident, but damn if u are using what u've learnt and u sound like that.. hell no am i learning.. i'm better off without..

I'm just mad and dissing but really.. the pictures are ..haiz.. what makes u think that the course will be any better.. feels very scammy.. the only reason i aint blasting heads off is cause i know i can use the pics somehow ...

Maybe i'd be a gay model hahaha credits to jen for that comment haha.. we'll see :D

my frens are rushing me so i'd cut this short but yeah... dont ever use the word "Friend" lightly around me...there is a difference between friend, people, classmates, and pawns ..

So apparently i just realised that 2 of my frens had blogs that i didnt know of...DAYUM... once i get my hands on their links...its time for some major updates ... B and J...sounds wrong putting them side by side...........MOVING ON

Ok..how do i start this thing...sooo mushyyyy....but well... I teared .. is this how i spell it? i dunno... Its so funny how one just sees certain things...like.. you would think that they are just there to enjoy the company and fun and all that...but are in fact...(along side with the whole having fun thing) .. taking in every detail, information and all that ..

Leader.. that's the only word i can think of...u would think that this is a horrible choice .. seeing that in poly, being a leader meant organizing meet-ups and who does wad... not that u do that badly anyway :P Heck knowing u... u r great at that ...ANYWAY MOVING ON... sure you do lead us..guiding us and all..both in outings and with our random problems..... but mainly our outings where we'll be like wad do we do now :X But being a leader doesn't just mean like oh hey u go there u go there.. we go here...

You understand us...omg here comes the mush...ohhh the mush...understand our behavior, our actions and ultimately.. how we feel.. If anyone of us are in a slightly off mood.. you'll be the first to notice it and bring it up.. not to mention care for us.. i've said it before and i'll say it again.. you're like the mother of the group...listening to our problems and caring for us...if any of us are sick.. here comes mama

Well.. since we're being all emotional and all here.. i'll be honest..didnt like to talk abt it but ... i used to think, " why am i even in this group " .. oh the amount of times i think this way is insane... heck every now and then i will still have this stupid phrase pop into my brain.. i would sometimes feel left out.. i'm not as funny and social-ly as the rest of you lot.. cant crack jokes out of nowhere that will make everyone laugh.. haha and when i tried.. u guys looked at me like i was mad.. but yeah...I cant help it. I felt inferior.

when the group was so called "new" or fresh or watever.. this was something i thought about constantly.. and honestly.. if u didnt try to include me .. or make me contribute to those random chats and laughs.. i doubt i'd still "know" yall .. but yeah.. those few seconds in time.. where you would ask me for my opinion when we were chilling at our usual spot..they helped alot .. at least to me

HAHHAHAs okok i'm done...anymore and this pond will turn into a river :D eitherway.. you're an awesome leader :D

Not that nice and attractive? well sorrrrryy.. i'm not good at all these yo and its like.......3:35am? HOLY I GOTTA GO SLEEP BADMINTON TMR ..gahhh haz this stupid wound at my elbow cus i fell while playing tennis with my fren...oh god the horror...wads worst is that...there were loads of people watching.. FUUUUUUUUUU the humiliation :(

U know wads even more humiliating the amount of times i spelled humiliating wrongly ... other than that? the amount of red lines i have while typing this.. oh the spelling mistakes ..

Sorry for this extreme gay moment but... daesung looks bloody sexy here

Just wanted to post this :D go watch her other american idol vids or her on america's got talent when she was 11...