Game Nerd moment so please dun mind me :P

Dun mean to be a mega bitch about things but...Even though you dun mean it the way you do.. my interpretation of your sentences, given the specific time and scenario, will be way off from what you actually meant..

"Passing me your skill"

Now...Saying this simply makes me feel like I never had any of my own skill to begin with.. as if I don't have a noticeable presence in a game...as if I'm there just to be there.. I know you don't mean it that way and that you are just saying it as a joke or form of encouragement but hey.. my brain is a mega bitch.

"Slowly learn lo"

Whenever I criticize myself or make a mistake and somehow tells me ... Slowly learn lo... it ticks me off..for one, if I am able to criticize myself to begin with.. it means I know my mistake and I have already "learnt" that particular way or method when playing the game just that I made an error which resulted in me NOT carrying it out... Telling me to learn smth I have already learnt makes me feel like you think I am always making this same mistake and that I always will.

"Ok lo/what/la/etc"

Number one most hated line of all time.. just like in singing when someone says .. Your singing is OK LA..so what? Is that a "I should continue singing cus it's pleasing to the ear?" or "stfu" or "Its not too bad...but i wont really want to hear it often.." or "its not too bad but i dun mind listening to it" etc... like.. yo.. I'm a tough grader and sometimes when something cool happens that makes me go HOLY CRAP OMG HAHAHA YES ... and I hear you say..it was OK LA...its like bitch please I'm not on your standard...sure i aint got the same amount of experience in the game but... i dunno I find it naturally degrading and just.. like makes me unmotivated to catch up since i will always be seen as someone of a lower level.

Maybe i'm being a huge bitch about it cus I keep commiting the same mistakes.. maybe i'm really not that good as I think I am.. who knows eh? I KNOW i'm good at LoL but after some shitty internet/games/watever... i'm beginning to question my capabilities as a gamer...

Used to think that my attributes were that of .. fast learner... quick reaction.. unexpecting.. innovative.. now is like.. plop.. nth.. Sure I thought of the whole moving the ghost of the dude and stunning when it returns but thats it? I'm  sure others have thought about it too and even created something more abt it.. but sigh.. i dunno.. is really skill as a gamer this bad the whole time? Or rather am I just faced with the feeling of inferiority due to the lack of compliments/ excessive amount of mistakes/lack of confidence..

BLeh.. i really do lack confidence..requiring the comments of people to believe what is what...and even then when i get compliments I hardly believe them.. saying that they are said simply cus they are my friends...oh well...

Now i know why I/people fish for compliments... we need them to feel better...

Heh My birthday today eh?

Interesting day really... For once, facebook was rather empty cause i took out my birthday BUT surprisingly,  a few remembered, one being the most unexpected person...NURI.. whoa.. i know she wont read this post but wow girl i was really amazed that you remembered and yeah ... <3 div="" haha="">

But yeah.. not really the happiest birthday.. probably the saddest/anger-filled one to the extend that I was constantly telling myself that my birthday was yesterday where i went for dinner with my work mates to "celebrate"...

I don't really expect special treatment on my birthday but... its hard to not feel like I should feel slightly special... and when things start to go wrong one after another.. mixed with the non-stop OTs.. i'd eventually crack..asshole and self centered as it sounds...its like

"Yo.. there are so many other interns/partimers.. why give THAT EXTRA work to me? Like of ALL DAYS?"

I know its so selfish for me to say it but.. I coulden't help feeling annoyed.. i tried to ignore it but in the end I just got even more pissed...

There are other stuff here and there but nah... it was rather accumulative.. the whole non-stop ot..being tired and having to work with shitty internet and what not... gahh.. I had to leave to rage awhile.. ended up busting my foot with an epic stomp

HULK STOMP!

Stomp the ground and bam.. i think i sprain my ankle haha...well i deserve it..either way.. i'm still telling myself that it aint my birthday.. it did get better tho..Camping at the staircase cus of my foot then came my buddy.. dunno how he know i was there but yeah... xie xie ni :D 

So sweet of him to find me and talk to me then somemore after that he surprise me with cakeeee! Sad that the whole day was too frustrating that this simple moment of happiness did not allow me to say "TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY".. but still i appreciated it..

Well thats my birthday day... sort of.. technically is my birthday day but to me .. yesterday was my birthday day HAHA...

A new discovery to how *toot* my brain can be.

I dun really get WHY its like that but... for some reason it likes to record an action, that only happened like ONCE, as a constant thing..

Dinner at other place.. Normal what. But just ONCE did I hear a

"I think you go home better, like very ma fan for you go there then go home" or smth like that

Caring statement, dun wan mafan me. Ultimately I could go if i want to but hearing that I was like fine... here's the thing. It wasn't a "Okie dokie thanks for being concern" .. It was an "Ok fine you're the inviter so if you say no then hey ho i wont go *bitch mode on*"

I dun really get WHY my brain is like that.. like even though I know the two answers and which one it actually is, I still want to think negatively or in a way that would make me upset..

Now here's the extra shiet thing.. another invite today.. nearer.. my brain just told me

"Hey.. just don't go.. since its mafan for you, he will ask you not to go again"

And even when there was no statement from the person whatsoever, I simply assumed that the above is the statement itself.. AND EVEN when the he hinted for me to go.. bitch me just went.. nah.. he will last min say dun go and make me embarassed =.=...

WTFBRAIN? Sometimes I wish I could either switch brains or let people give my brain a try for a day...that would be fun

Commitment eh?

Just because us part timers are so "motivated" to OT constantly, doesnt mean that that is the standard that every intern has to take up. Sure you can say that we are a great batch, OTing like mad to complete excess work and what not but just cause the Interns don't do it doesnt mean they are not committed to to work.

You should not judge their commitment over what we do thats like.. so wrong can? Us OTing like this makes are GREAT. thats all .. not any more committed to the work than the interns. We do it cause we want to. It is not really our obligation.

Speaking of which, whats with all the shitty rules? I just realize that we are OTing like mad for you guys and yet you set strict rules for US ONLY US.. wtf? so much for gratitude=.= I'm sure if we dun OT this much you guys will have loads of shit on ur hands...

Gah.. so irritating =.=... wadever tmr OT again haha labour day ot WOOOO :P

Gosh help my brain.. its so irritating to handle