You know that feeling when you're pissed, and you body just feels so warm and you get all frustrated and irritated. I'm sure you know how that feels, that really "tingly" feeling in your whole body that just makes you want to hurl a chair at the next person that pisses you off. Well, I'm trying to get rid of that feeling now but clearly, it ain't working.

I think anyone who owns a blog knows how frustrating it is to type about certain things, only because we don't really know who is reading our blogs. And honestly, the 'want' of saying something but having to not say it or think of another way to say it is simply tiring and often than not frustrating. I remember hurting one of my friends by being direct here which was not pretty. It was all a misunderstanding ultimately so things turned out okay but... I don't want it to happen again.

I realize that the reason why I didn't need to post so much last time, was because I had friends to talk to in class to handle random stuffs. But now, I'm having MORE problems in class but everyone is a guy and guys............. 90% of them are insensitive asses that can't be caring directly. What i mean is that, they use a "different" form of "care" which is abit more indirect and harsh. I appreciate the dudes that do that for me and I can see them but.. sometimes, I just want a direct care moment you know?

I need someone to talk to in class but the one who I know is like...the best? Is now in a different class and its just so shiety. Its so odd. Studying in poly made me realize the difference in people. Smarts come in different forms and a smart person might not be smart in all areas. Likewise to the opposite of smart :X. 

Holding back and holding in. I know the time and place for things and right now, I'm VERY VERY impatient for the time to come. Soon. Poly life is ending soon...

Already in class for 1hr and 25mins and I’ve literally not made a move at all. Absolutely have no single clue of how to actually do any of this programming crap that everyone seems to be easily handling. I guess it’s really clear that this route is just not for me.

Internships are on their way an honestly, I’m not prepared for him. I mean, I am prepared to do the work but honestly, there is no way I can actually complete any of the task they were to assign me. If they were to give me a programming role, hands down I won’t be able to give them a working code that does what it’s supposed to do. Give me a design role and all they can expect from me is shitty drawings and shittier designs. Waste of time.

Yesterday, teacher was like talking about how designers earn more money in the beginning and programmers in the end. And you know things are sad and bleak when I ask, “What about people who can’t program or design.”

Normally, I’m just trying to be humble when I say that I can’t do something but honestly, I really can’t handle both roles. Currently, I am suppose to create a whack a mole game using cats and from the start, I know things are going to be shit. For starters, I could not even design my backgrounds, all my background designs were done by my group mate FOR me. It ain’t a group work FYI. And now, its programming time and the more I think about it, the more I diverge and think about the time I am wasting and gonna waste eventually.

And yeah, I’m writing this in class when I’m supposed to be programming my assignment which is 85% btw. It just shows how much I’ve given up on this. Shall just go to the gym everyday, look better and be a pole dancer/stripper and earn money from there hahaha. After all that’s all I’m good for, shaking my arse.

But in all honestly, I really don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life. Go to another country and do something that requires little or no brain? Hmm.. that would explain why I wanted to be a model. Just posing yo…Just posing…… I know there’s more to it but.. you get my drift right?

K. I’m done I guess. Nothing else to type. It’s time to just stone here and just wait for class  to end, go home and…….yeah I don’t know, probably do my other assignments and hope I don’t fail this with the amount of work I can actually do.

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"lol"

This is one of the best words every made but at the same time it is also the most irritable. I'll make it clear now, this word is NOT an excuse to say something fucked up to someone else and say lol to like chill shit down.. doesnt work that way. Maybe its just me, i didnt get the memo or something but sorry hun, if you're gonna say YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID to my face and say lol at the back i will still be insulted.. its like saying.. can i slap you lol? The slap is still gonna hurt.. oh and i wanna slap you :D

The shit is wrong with the brain of people? Of course i question things that are not up my alley. If you ask me about make-up and skincare, do you want me to go, WTF ITS A TONER OMG YOU DUMB FUCK.... oh wait.. forgot add in.. lol :D ... really man ........ 

Its like.. asking me to sing against a american idol winner and laughing at me... fuck you .. how bout going against me at dance dance revolution? Its not your thing and i'd win.. duh.. gosh i just want to slap people sometimes.. spoil my mood for no reason..

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Sometimes... you just gotta suck it up.. take a deep breath and chill...

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Its good that I can say things i wanna say without people knowing what i mean..but .. its also a shitty thing sometimes. Why

Holding back...

ANYWAY. I need a design student's brain implanted into me, like seriously. Every time there is a class that has some form of art bullcrap going on, I get annoyed. Why? well, first of, them teachers love to say these same bullcrapo line

"You don't need to know how to draw"

To this I say bullshit. YOU MUST KNOW DAMMIT. Its like, you have all these crazy ideas in your brain, these fantabulous and random designs with dragons donkeys and girls in pink tutus and then, you realize you can't draw a stinking tutu. Oh and the dragons as well. Like really? God.

Sorry yo, if you are my friend and you tell me the same thing, how you don't need to know how to draw to do well, I will slap you.

Right now, i'm suppose to be designing my game. Yeah I got the game thing down but my icons all look like...a person name aunt Hilda who has been slapped across the face by a donkey......with its tongue.

Gosh. Trying to cope stuff from Deviantart now. Yes i'm an ass.

Thanks to my friends Zazz, Veronica, Letong and Yujing for celebrating me and Letong's birthday today XD so nice and omg Yujing bought for me chanel mascara so nice of him...XD maybe i should tell him that mascara got wet and dry fomula and that it last for only 3 months :X but still nice nonetheless will use it very often even though i shoulden't.. Sadly the tube like dry dry i think old stock or smth.. or is dry fomula ARGH... but nvm...THANKS BRO DAMN SWEET OF U CAN. And.. hehe other presents.. dont wan reveal le :P

Watch 21 jump street or smth like that.. CHANNING TATUM.. OMG... faints.. the show was DAMN funny and nice seriously. I literally irritated the guy beside me with my crazy laughter...

Yup... thats my day :D

Haaaaaaaaaaa sucha load lift off just like that. My brain is sucha funny thing... and through the years i realise that once my brain has a "moment" i can do what i wanna do and not hold back. But the sad part is .. after that "moment" I just feel shitty... just like now ... moment is gone :X

WELL TIME FOR ME TO GO THEN!

What do I want in life.

Honestly, I don't know. Currently, all I can make out is that I want to do something related to make-up that's all. How why where? No clue.

Its kinda frustrating knowing that my 3 years in poly is gonna be a waste and really, I can't see myself being in this industry making games. Okok maybe i can. I have the plans but not the skill. Maybe some how I can become a freelance game designer? Get programmers and artist to draw my ideas? BLEH I DUNNO LARH.

Move to LA, find a make-up job, be a model(zz hate how i need have a build body to do this =.= and my "walk" is so girl la... so much bounce one ... dunno how those america's next top model girls cant walk.. is like so easy la and i'm a guy! RAGE ), and during free time make easy games sell on andriod store MUHAHAHAH .. thats my crazy plan :X doubt it will work though.. or rather.. dont dare try...BLAH

RAGE MORE

Grades does not prove intelligence. There I said it.

Its like...DAYUM full set of A's. GOOD JOB! Heh very smart lor u :D ... and then you speak. And seriously, just by the choice of words or how you present yourself just makes me go " Whoops guess not ". I don't know. Maybe its cause I think too much, read into the way you say your lines. I guess everyone is smart but in different ways. You are smart in terms of facts, remembering shitload of information and doing well with a proper objective set for you, while I am smart in terms of reading things, or maybe... this is just my flaw, over reading things. Who knows.. either way, your excellence in that area causes ur other areas to be shittyfied which causes my excelling point to be an annoyance to me.

But honestly, how can no 1 know.. maybe you are just a tricker. YOU KNOW i'm annoyed by ur actions but u choose to play dumb. But then again, I highly doubt so. Only you know eh? Maybe right now, you are secretly reading this and know i'm talking about you but will pretend you dont know and continue to annoy me on purpose assuming that I will not know that u know. Well, doesn't matter. Cause to be honest, no matter what, I'd still lose seeing that no one can see you the way i do. No wait, correction, no one but people like me, can see you the way i do and till date, i only found one person who is like me and i must say, he knows.

Envy a friend of mine who is so calm at mind. He doesn't compare nor get irritated by the past events. He is very forgiving and one good thing about him is that he is simple minded in certain things and complex minded in others which i find is awesome. He doesnt get irritated by random things that would normally irritate me. Gosh .. so good la lollol. He tried to "teach" me, but .. cannot XD i very stubborn. Pissed at small thing, explode at medium, rage at big ones LALALALA...

Irritating...

Ok blogger is diff...wtfish?

anyway just a random statement that i wanna say here for personal reasons but people should learn their limits and to understand the difference between themselves and me. More often than not, they are only protected by stupid and irritable things that bind me from what I would do to them. But should those binds be released, they WILL be in my reach and one wrong move..well.. they aint protected now..

Phew ok ... happy happy :D 6 more weeks of school work before either internship or a major project scared for both either way. I decided to ask for an overseas internship mainly cause i'd prefer to actually be independent or something like that.

Haha i dont even know why i'm still trying to post something even though i cant think of what to post :X Isit weird that i wanna be an example to my friends? Silly as it sounds i want to be the person that everyone sees as "confident" and like go OMG IF HE CAN DO IT SO CAN I and do some cool shiet. haha just random thought. Impossible tho seeing that i too am one of those un-confident people. Just cause i am daring to shout PENIS at city hall doesnt mean i'm confident haha (dont judge me) Well, I am improving. I have passion in make-up which guys consider gay and what not and HEY i'm posting my random stuff with make-up on facebook! improvement! :D Soon i'd post youtube vids of me shattering glass and .....

*cough*

Main point is i wan my friends to see me become more confident as a person and hopefully make them feel more...confident into trying things? Bleh ... random random random thoughts...

PS: YOU BETTER WRITE DOWN ALL THOSE STUFF YOU SAID AT TM KOPITIAM..I WILL DIG OUT YOUR EYEBALL AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT IF YOU DONT RWAR! PROVE THAT YOU WANT IT :D GOOD LUCK