Ok i'm sane today :P

Ok.. i've decided to forget about it .. afterall this is simply a losing battle..I don't wanna feel frustrated and depressed anymore about this matter...

Sure it upsets me that i'm being treated differently..Sure it upsets me that i am degraded as a fren but o well.. i'll deal with it..After all.. its something that is till now unnoticed.. even if this post is read..i doubt anything will be done.. no comfrontation .. no questions .. nothing..

So i will continue what i do best.. just simply be there...

Ok.. now that thats done.. i guess i should simply .. talk :D

Well.. its study week now but BLEH.. holiday la :D .. since i only have one exam...but dun worry i wont be complacent.. cause that exam is on a subject that i am practically the worst in.. Computer shiets :(

Hmm anyway i have stuff i gotta complete by the end of the holiday and i think i shud write it here :D

1) Change blog skin -Gosh i have been looking at this boring blue shiet for so longgggg.. i really want to change it but i dunno how to edit one eventhough i have learnt weddesigning which is....:( .. so yeah will find one on blogskins.com or smth .. les some1 can make one for me :P

2)Make my birthday vid - It was suppose to be a surprise but hey not many ppl read this so .. for those who do lucky u... i will be posting a vid on FB of me singing... till date i really don't know how good/bad i am.. I know i said i dont really care.. but.. i really want to know if i'm hurting ppls ears or not :D

3) Clean my room - YUCKS.. i really want to throw stuff out :P

4) Continue training - I joined Dragonboat previously and now i've quit.. kind of a waste since i did put in lots of effort so i guess i'd try to continue a little to .. i dunno :P

5) Moisturise my skin - I know this is weird but HEY i have dry skin and although the lotion is RIGHTTTT beside me...i never seem to use it .. so yeah :P

6)Trim and dye my hair - Hmm.. this is kinda expected but till now i have no idea what colour i would dye my hair ... i was thinking blue seeing that my 1st colour was blue but i didnt have my fridge back then so.. we'll see

7)Shop - i have loads of things i gotta buy.. u know that feeling when u cleared ur room? it feels empty and u wanna fill it up with new stuff.. yeah.. clothes and stuff.. but smth u woulden't expect is....Make-up.. LOL! Its weird i know but .. i dun know why but i enjoy looking at them and playing with them like as if they were face paint.. i find it enjoyable.. considering being a make-up artist as a profession :P

8)Train Tennis - Well its the holiday.. i guess i shud continue my training with Wei Jie.. hope we can cause... TP tennis is not easy to get into.. 11 slots.. only for experienced players.. WISH ME LUCK

9)Even out my skin tone - HOLY CRAP i have chinese feet and body but the rest of me is malay... being in dragonboat has made my skin colour different and i dont like it... either i'm all tan or all white.. and ... i'd rather be tan... not many people can pull it off and i think i can :D

10)I have no idea - LOL yea.. i just wan it to end nicely but I HAVE NO IDEA LOL

Haha .. anyway its super late.. and i guess i should be sleeping.. will post abt my poly year one next time.. for now.. see ya :D

Hmm.. You know.. i wont lose this fight this time..

If u said you knew.. i would say, " well then why didnt u bother? " If you said u didnt know.. i would say, " well then why didnt u bother?" it works either way.. but the thing is eventhough i know its in a way a debate of which is favourable to me..

I'll lose

Why?

You don't care

You won't care

and even till the very end.. u will try to prove.. not prove that u are right .. but prove that i am being a fool...Cus...even if the battle is lost.. the one who really loses is the one who looks the part..

I honestly don't know why things changed..at first i tot i was being retarded... but soon things began to pile up..but the biggest hit was when i was told later... now before u go crazy.. i'm meaning it more on.. why did u CALL the first one, and wait all the way till u reached home to tell me via skype.. i dun give a shit if u have LOADS to tell him.. why coulden't u msg or smth.. i was like fcking calling and msging u.. i even scared u emo and sad cus u didnt achieve wad u wanted...

Its weird u know.. i'm not trying to say i am the better person but..its really frustrating that previously( don't say now.. cus i know u sure say .. wa then nv talk to me for 2mths ?) I would defend u when u failed in games..i would try my best to actually give constructive advice rather than go, " just take the P**** and BANG BANG" ..but yet i'm not seen as a caring fren..

Wad am i to u? Am i a joke? a play-mate that u can use to fulfill a good team... i dunno why u look down on me ... i nv forcefully criticise u in games..but yet i have to hear ur criticism about the way i play ... and FYI .. u aint better than me ... u never were ..sure u will be going , " LAI 1V1 la "

Your childish if u thought that..cause it shows that despit all that u have read.. u dun give nuts about how i feel.

OH HOW U FEEL OMG LOUIS STOP BEING A SISSY..

Yeah i'm a sissy so wad... u've known that about me since the day u met me dude...Bros my ass..if this is how u treat a brother i dun wanna have anything to do with u...

I logged in skype today, hoping to ignore everythin.. i know i cant just pretend nth happened but i was willing to ignore my mood and just chill..but in the end u called me the asshole...u know that instantly made me realise that.. u still think that the one at fault is me...Often than not.. i say," u are wrong and i am wrong can we stop fighting?" .. but in the end.. i'm the only 1 who sees in this way.. for u will still feel that u are not even the least bit at fault..

And its like.. i really dun wanna post this.. i intended it to my short and mysterious like.. but i dunno anymore man.. like..wad u consider me as.. who is in the wrong and all that...

Its weird.. i'm a dude but yet here i am typing this post as if i were a girl.. i've been wondering.. are all guys jerks? I really want to know...for all i care i am a jerk too.. but srsly...wads with the difference in attitude portrayed by the two different sex...I knw i'm a male.. i'm straight.. so screw anyone with the whole i'm gay jokes cus its not the time..

Thinking back...american idol was probably the only emotional assistance u provided... the rest are all physical ones...and .. seeing that my eyes are half closed.. i shall sum this portion up with.. not everything that looks cool is cool.. sometimes the most uncooliest thing is unexpectedly cool...

A stupid satement i know...think abt it this way...You are the jork of the school.. famous and popular.. i'm the nerdest nerd...one day... tio bullied and you helped me.. and although many would be like," omg.. he helped a nerd.. wad a loser." .. in my eyes u will my like the coolest shit..

am i making sense now? haha i really dun know..my eyes are literally closed typing these stuff...

I shall just end off... i mean.. after all even if you read this.. u would have stopped halfway or showed it to the rest and try to "defend" / shoot me back...I am really tired.. i dun want to always be the one to say, " can we sort this out?".. i'm a male too.. i have just as much pride and ego as u do.. but why do i always have to make the 1st move? I'm not weak..dont see me that way...you've always thought i was all words and no action.. your wrong.. sure i didnt do things that would get me into trouble... because.. thats just stupid...and your still being childish once again for thinking this...

O well..i really don't know..all i can say/ask is...i wanna know my worth... i know it mushy and all that .. it sounds boyfriend girlfriendish but.. i'm THIS kind of person..I dont want to waste my time typing more of these things in hopes of u reading and realising your mistakes...I'm srsly tired of this...

Oh and i'm feeling bitchy now so..

i took this off sherwin's Facebook status update:"

I dont get why guys are always the jerks in the relationship. Aren't there two sides to every coin? Are ALL of you arguing that women are perfect angels who do no wrong at all?"

I have to say...I laughed..We are jersk...we seriously are jerks.. as much as i would love to defend my own "side" i have to agree to this very fact.. sure not all of us are but.. we eventually will... maybe i'm just being biased seeing that i'm having a horrible time with my male fren.. but hey.. face it.. its already a jerk-like act just my thinking of posting that up...and for those who liked it.. i dunno... i just feel that they are defending themselves...ALWAYS DEFENDING ... why? I really want to know why... cant they just reflect and see? Are the saying that males are not jerks AT ALL? why cant they just go " hmm.. well yeah.. we are jerkish sometimes...".. and yes i do admit.. girls aint the goddess in relationships but like.. why cant a simple reflecting be carried out and understand why this statement is all used.. MEN ARE JERKS..at least type...

Fine.. we may be jerks.. but.. we are not entirely at fault... and so on so forth abt sharing blame...haiz.. so funny... i cant stand it..

Sometimes i simpl y think that the problem lies in me... why was i born as some1 who reads into everything so much...a mere Dot out of placewill make me interpret incorrectly... the speed of which u reply and all that.....It just gives me problems.. i end up hurting myself and causing myself to feel shitty even without the "people who caused them" realising.

BLEH imma just go sleep...my eyes are heavy...

In the end.. i've decided to ignore it... Not forget it..simply ignore.. after all.. it would seem that the views are still the same

In all honestly.. i do know that i am disliked

It urks me big time whenever i see people think that something is cool.. when in all reality .. it isnt..

Now i aint some1 to judge but i dunno why lately things like this pisses me off.. i know its not my business but i just feel that somehow.. i'm included in this nerd uncool fest...

Before i begin .. please note.. i am NOT cool.. i admit that first.. but yeah these are things that I feel are uncool and u know its bad when uncool + uncool ...

First up.. i'm in IT school.. lets admit it .. the 1st day i went into my IT school for camp... one word.. shocked ... at the amount of nerd looking people i will be amongst for 3 years... now i dont mind nerds but... when they start to talk and act in a certain way... i get frustrated... WHY oh WHY cant they look .. NON-NERDISH.. like.. we're already in a nerdish course.. and yet u dress this way ... it urks me loads like srsly.. i don't know why but its embarassing to be grouped as one of them... speaking of nerd... how nerdish isit when u hear this

"wa why teach easy programming cannot teach hard one first?"

I rephrased but it meant this... now.. i'm not saying u CANT love programming but... when u give such a tone... it makes me potray u as a haolian stupid head that thinks the coolest thing is life is programming and for that.. i see u as a nerd.. and once again.. URKED.. like man srsly.. obviously we learn from scratch.. u think u so zai all must folo? siao...

I damn heng to get into the ONLY class that is non-nerdish.. like srsly...

Ok before u all get ur pants in flare.. please note.. all these that i am saying is things that MAY urk me.. i dunno why but i'm rather annoyed by things these days but i dunno wad...to avoid more explanation i shall just list wad urks me..

1) People who think a particular nerd-like activity is cool
2) People who add me on FB cus they think they are frens with me during camp
3) People who ask me to cheer during camps cus i cheered the loudest.. i am a human i choose to cheer or not.. i aint ur mic dude =.=..
4) Profile pictures of certain people/ things
5) loads more

i dunno why.. but the only thing that dun urks me even if they have done the things above are my frens from secondary school...maybe i miss secondary ... i hate poly i dunno... but for example... if i see one of my girl-friends liking some bio-ish thing.. i wont mind.. i find it nice.. but if some poly person likes it... i will be urked... am i weird? LOL

I guess i know why lately its becoming more stress for me...

previously.. i have 4 people i can rant and talk to easily... 2 guys and 2 girls...

Now the 2 girls are still awesome people to talk to.. they listen and all that but.. one only does so whenever she comes to my house.. which is not very often unlike during our primary school days... the other female fren.. well..i'm sure i can msg her everytime but... if i do that i will just waste LOADS of her money haha and i don't wanna trouble her so much over such rants which i can type here..but i'm a weird person.. i wan people to read my rants ..thats why i like ranting on Facebook.. but now i have classmates that TROLL me there.. so its hard to really rant properly... haha but dun get me wrong.. i love them..their good frens despite their trollingness but...yeah ..sometimes i need an upfront care and not the " TROLLING U CAUSE I CARE" .. yeah i'm weird.. see even now i feel so ranty .. the BEST listener just msged me asking me if i'm ok.. wa i feel better now hahas :D ( if your reading this thanks :D )

And now for the two males.. where do i begin.. i'm really afraid they will read this but hey.. they haven't talk to me for over a few months.. i'm pretty sure they think its MY problem.. but.. o well.. i'm fine with it.. usually i will rant stuff to them too.. sure they dun really give a shit.. they just say i'm sensitive and lame.. being uncool for my petty and lame remarks.. but hey.. i get my rants out and i feel better... and now i'm in a phase of BLEHness cause they don't even bother to realise i haven talk to them for a long time and not bothering to ask me why... it just adds on to the problem.. and before i continue let me just say.. i have work to do so i'm kinda rushing this post and rant hahas

yeah.. its like even if they read this .. they'll still say is my problem/ fault...but bleh.. i dunno now... maybe its really my fault who cares eh? its not like u guys care if its my fault anyway..after all 2 months of no talking.. doesnt seem to affect u eh?

Gosh everyday i will be a fool for thinking abt why i am still pissed with them.. but o well..thats me being me ...senstive and stupid.. anyway where was I ... o yeah.. so ranty ranty..

I guess thats probably a small reason why i like people to tell me if they are sad or not.. so that i can use that as a platform to rant something that is bothering me so as to help them.. am i making sense? i dunno.. so yeah :D feel free to talk to me.. i love listening to ur problems not cause it makes me happy ( i aint that sadistic ) it makes me feel better as well as makes u feel better i guess...

BLEH OK STOP

oh ya side note... once its holidays.. i'm SOOOO gonna change my blogskin... its so boring =.=... remove the links cause... half of it is like not update / no more blog :( .

will clean my room and all that blah

OK DONE BYE

HUGE RANT PLEASE IGNORE ... ITS ALL CAPS SO... GET THE HINT?

FCKING FCKER DON'T THINK JUST CAUSE U ARE LIKE UBER AWESOME NOW MEANS YOU ARE THE BEST... DON'T MESS WITH ME JUST CAUSE I AM SOMEWHAT LOWER THAN U NOW ... I'M NOT ONE TO BE MESSED WITH.. I CAN MANUPILATE PEOPLE FAIRLY WELL AND YET ENSURE THAT THEY ARE STILL ON MY SIDE...I CAN DIRECT THINGS UNTIL IT GOES MY WAY AND YET SEEM LIKE THE INNOCENT ONE.. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME U FCKTARD...

OF COURSE, I CANT PUNCH KICK SLAP OR WACK YOU.. I'M NOT DUMB ENUF TO GET MYSELF IN JAIL FOR THE LIKES OF YOU BUT WHEN I'M DONE .. DONE WITH ALL THESE NONSENSE...I WILL MAKE YOU REALISE JUST HOW LONELY U REALLY ARE...U WILL FINALLY SEE THE BRUTAL SIDE OF ME THAT YOU WONT EVEN NOTICE BECAUSE...I'M THAT GOOD... EVEN IF U BACK OFF NOW.. I WONT LET U OFF..YOU'RE GONNA REGRET MAKING ME SOOOOOOO PISSED YOU SELFISH, INSENSIBLE, INSENSTIVE, UNTOLERABLE BITCH..

MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL BUT END UP REVOKING THAT MERCY CAUSE YOU SPOKE...SPOKE WITH THAT GODDAMN ANNOYING VOICE.

*ALERT*

Incoming huge self-centered-ness and god damn horrible BLEHS and ABSOLUTE RETARDATIONS... so feel free to click that X

In life.. there are the lucky ones, those who do little shit and SO HAPPEN do the correct shits and the correct time to get awesome shits happen to them..

and there are the hardworkers.. those who work like KRAZYYYY only to achieve their shiets after a LONNNNNGGGG time.. or even never at all...

now why am i saying this... i gambled just now i mean comeon its CNY...and i realise.. wad i am is much like a game of blackjack...

Thing is.. since the day i was born...ok i shall not say i NEVER won.. but rather... out of maybe... 50 games, i will win only once...which is really smth...to me, to gamble with money is to lose money... cause i hardly win.. even if i do.. its like wad... pitiful amounts... now thats not the thing that annoys me... cause like i gamble what... $1? and in total lose $20+ or so sometimes (cept today i stopped early cause i nv bring money:P) so its really nth to me... but what got me thinking was the comparison in terms of luck, between my youngest sis and me...

If i could do a nice analysis...everytime I won in overall, my younger sis lost... so picture this.. 1/50 = louis
49/50 = sis...

and i aint even kidding.. it made me realise how funny the universe is.. mind u i told u at the start of the post that i am being retarded so BLEH :D... My sis just plays by the rules and do simple steps and wins .. easy right? but for me its different... i have to analyse EVERY single situation and take cards appropreiately so as to get the best benefits.. and this does not mean me winning .. i take to help the person beside me... and its like.. wad i mean by those hardworkers.. they work hard but yet.. u know.. it just might not happen.. am i being extremely lame? cus i think i make sense...

SELF CENTERED!

if i have to sterotype here... my youngest sis is a bimbo and i'm the Timmy turner from fairy oddparents... now why... my youngest sis i shall not lie.. she isnt the brightest thing ... but u know... she somehow achieves in a gambling game... i woulden't be surprised if she succeeds in life... and i'm timmy cus...i wish for things.. but yet things dun turn out my way... but after a few attempts.. i can work hard enuf to solve the problems which i caused but maybe not gain anything .. just solve a problem i created...

BLEH i really dun know wad i'm talking...

Imma just go sleep heh :D HAPPY CNY guys sorry for constant rants nowadays.. i will try to post normal happy stuff soon...

I dunno why but it urks me EVERYTIME i go onto facebook and see some form of status update or pictures that screams "Wow these are my friends i love them all :D "

Because...lets take camp for example.. Poly camp.. we've all had this for some ice-breaking or watever.. and thing is.. to me, its ridiculous when i see people treating other people they met during the camp with so much care.. like as if they were awesome friends...asking for outings and all that...

Lets be honest.. you've known each other for like what.. 1-3 days? I dont see why you have to go all ULTIMATE-FRIENDSHIP on them... like.. its just people u've recently met..i really dunno why i'm posting this but it just urks me... I love my friends but like... these people are the ones i've known and spent time with...now i dun mind spending time with people i met in the camp but... theres a limit..I JUST MET YOU..TO ME, YOUR NOT OF A 'FRIEND'-ABLE STATUS...Don't treat me like i'm your best friend ...bleh .. i'm insane...

But its true.. i mean.. do i really know these people... who are they exactly... i can analyze someone only to a certain extent.. the rest is thru experiences...even on Facebook.. i deleted like almost everyone who added me just cause they saw me before.. like...wth? i dont even know you well and you added me...its not that i'm a high-demanded person.. but.. in a way i am gonna be an ass and say.. your not worthy to add me just yet.. i dun mean it like you are not high classed but rather.. really .. i dont know you that well as to think that you are available.. am i making sense?

Lol... wow i am really wasting your time here but hey... its my blog aint it? :D .. its where i go to tell you stuff which i feel.. its just like a debate.. two sides...one agrees.. one disagrees... you might not agree with me but u still can hear my views out :X

I am really lame and sleepy.. hence the lame post...OH sidenote.. i am really into make-up now.. i dunno why... i don't wear it out but i just like it... made a ninja look the other day.. did my eyebrows and all hahas.. it was fun ... might be purchasing some nice make-up brushes for myself :D.. or shud i wait for my birthday and hint HAHA.. we shall see

Admit it.. you're just bored with your old friends..to you, we are not as fun as your other friends.. we are boring people and you simply dun wish to participate in activities that you feel will bore you to death.

Always need accomodate your needs but end up the effort we put in will not be noticed but rather we will have to hear more shitty WTF and zZz Sian...