Argh.. the table was sooo dirty..

Everything in life happens for a reason.. and like.. for some reason.. i'm happy that things turned out this way..thru that event did everything that happened thus far, happened .. and like.. i dunno..

Thinking back.. its smth that i'll think about every single day.. each time i'm about to.. each time i think of .. each time i see.. etc etc.. its like this tiny sensor that vibrates furiously that reminds me of it.. and despite all of the horridness that was felt.. i feel that thru that did we grow .. both as people and as frens..

I didnt want to accept at first cus.. i felt that.. after 3 years of coming to accept it and all that...things should be left as it is cus like.. without it.. so much woulden't happen.. sure it caused some set-backs but.. the positive points to me where a great deal..

I wanted to continue but.. yeah..u coulden't ..i could guess ur reasoning but i coulden't guess wad made u bring it up..its sudden..even though i had a thought of it in the afternoon due to a chat.. it was still sudden...and its alright.. its a long conquered issue that i dun wish to bring up on such a negative note... it should be a positive or normal conversation that affects us in a way other than sad..

So i accept.. only if u accept mine 3 years ago as well as now.. for giving u sucha hard time.. tbh.. it shouldent be a case of accepting or not.. rather.. talking abt what we gained from it.. loses... meh dun think of lost.. responsibility.. trust.. appreciation and many more..

Its an experience that i've learnt from which allows me to help guide others thru problems that are similar..much like to a fren now.. so.. aiyo.. long story short.. its not meant to be seen negatively.. its conquered.. done.. finished.. see it positively and as a lesson.. at least for my part.. for you.. i dunno :X u'll have to see for yourself... and..although we ended fast.. paiseh that i didnt end faster.. i knew why i had to cover my eyes..

Is my expressions so difficult to read.. do i look happy when i'm clearly disgusted and irritated? I love how people can further piss me off even if I am already showing them a clear sign that I am irritated by something..

I like to rant.. and honestly i dun give a flying fuck if no one in this world wants to listen to me.. even if u show me a poker face or a i-dun-care-but-heck-i'll-look-like-i-do face..I will be satisfied cus face it..usually i can tell if you REALLY care or not but at least u TRY to make me feel like you bother... but it pisses me off when you tell me that you dun wan to listen.. now.. i know everyone has a choice..i aint forcing ya to listen but dun freaking say it straight to my face..cant u just say something like.. Chill dude and walk away? Really must.. i dun give wanna give a fck .. like to normal ppl.. it wouldent be much... its like.. yeah ok they dun wanna listen i'm bothering them so on so forth.. but to me its like..whats my worth.. am i just some hi-bye fren that u throw away as soon as you dun see me..cus if so.. i'll treat u a whole lot differently..

I wish i were more straight-forward rather than think abt how i shud reply so as to not hurt anyone.. why do i spend the time and effort to work my brain at its fastest speed so as to immediately reply you..

This is why i always preferred females over males...face it.. we males are fckers.. we think for ourselves more than others... only to girlfriends do they show that little bit of "care" but honestly.. after awhile.. its back to selfish fckers..As much as i try to read and do things that are most beneficial to everyone.. i too am a male.. if it is something which is at a disadvantage to me and possibly makes me unhappy.. i would ease out of it with "kind" excuses ..

O wait who am i kidding.. there are reasons why the word bitch is used.. females too are like that.. but i guess i'm lucky to meet the right girl-friends.. but males.. to me they are all the same.. as nice as they are.. they are most likely just like me.. having that selfish-like attribute but have the ability to escape through smart thinking..bleh.. fcking gender difference

now in this course.. i'm deemed as gay and a homo cus i'm like this.. so much irritatable jokes abt me being sensitive ... my high pitched voice..along with having to face intolerable fckers that are insensitive and complete assholes that only care about their self-being rather than that of everyone elses.. oh oh i forgot one more asswipe that thinks he is like some all popular smart ass fcker that knows all and everyone else ard him is stupid shits...

Fudge cakes

I know i said i wont rant so much any more but.. yeah.. its kinda expected that i will fail at it seeing that so many things annoy me so much..

First up..it kinda wasnt smth i wanted to post abt but watever i shall do it..Had some chatting session with mom and elder sis.. lame stuff... like what some fortune teller dude who chose my name foretold when he chose my name.. old presents we gave mom.. all that.. and then we wound up talking abt my younger sis...and usually when this topic pops up.. the whole "who-gets-what" shit is repeated.. so as all of u know..my elder sis is hardworking but not intelligent.. while i am the opposite..so i was going on abt how she is better than me seeing that hardworking is actually a better attribute when suddenly.. i heard this.." You got the IQ while I got the EQ" ... and i was like .. disgusted.. i dunno.. i'm not saying that her EQ is horrible.. but after hearing her say that .. it just further downgraded her so called "high-leveled" EQ seeing that she failed to know that it affect the emotions of others around her.. particularly mine.. i mean..by deeming that she has the EQ.. it is saying she has the best EQ among us all and having judge her EQ as (fill up own judgement) .. it feels degrading to think that my EQ is lower than hers..and like.. of course i dun think that way...its not a competition.. but having this train of thought enter my mind.. it annoyed me how she thinks she a better people's person than me... i'm certainly not that good at it but like .. i know when i hurt some1 .. and heck.. usually i prevent myself from doing so.. those "practically-no-one-will-realise-it-will-cause-distress-though-in-reality-it-does-if-u-are-annoyingly-sensitive-like-me" stuff like.. raising your voice, having additional words like lar , too, also at the end of the sentence which gives a sentence 2 meanings etc... point of this is...i dont think she understands people well enuf.. though we are both sensitive..she choose to make it a down-side to herself while i use it to my advantage..

Now.. Louis.. ur complaining and bragging an awful lot..yeah .. thats because i realise that she unknowingly LOVES to get my into trouble... today.. i suddenly had a meeting with shihui they all and despite wanting to go tennis, i decided to go with them .. she was writing a note to auntie the previous nite.. asking her wake me up in the morning.. then like dad was there so i told him "my tennis:( then like NAUUUUU" like.. a manner where it shows i am already sad... then she has to come out of the kitchen and go "who your fren so.. so important".. and its like.. that phrase.. its like.. think about it... if you were my dad.. u would feel the same way.. like YA LORH UR FREN SO BIG AR.. and i'm like.. trying to ignore her.. then she goes along and say "THEN YOUR TENNIS HOW? SKIP AR..PAY ALREADY STILL SKIP"... and like... wtf.. yeah...EQ high my ass =.=...ok tbh i dun really understand what attributes grades EQ..but this to me.. just shows so much.. she can barely understand situations of other people, she is so straight-forward and oblivious to people's feelings.. yup.. thats why i had to post it... its annoying..

BLEH!..

anyway.. as mentioned i wanted to ignore the stuff abv..but.. yeah...angry day yeah ..

Ard 6 go dinner with cousins.. Bday mah.. so yesh.. sushi buffet gogo nom nom...its all fine and fun .. i have an assignment to do but thats my problem.. i dun wanna ruin people's fun by saying i gtg do work so i sit there quietly... and here comes the frustration...

I can stand not reaching home on time for work.. but if the time is dragged on because of retardations.. i am not happy.. now why do i say this... the host.. aka the father of the bday boy.. is so.. fcking.. retarded...wth is wrong with him.. he complains abt every little thing.. the air con.. the spacing .. the sauceplate.. and i'm like wtf?! And thats not the half of it... it is sucha attention whore.. dun think i cant see it u dick .. your so called "jokes" may be funny but just cause everyone laughs doesnt mean i wont notice what your doing .. heck ALL your jokes since the day i was born is like this.. u say smth that somehow has an insultive element and make that as a joke...and like.. here is an example.. the kids there were like primary 4/5 .. he was like asking them if their smart .. giving them question and like it is all meant as a joke but the thing is.. a joke towards the other adults.. what about the kid's feelings? You called him stupid for getting a question wrong.. sure i get that it is a joke.. but dun forget.. i was a kid before .. and just like this one.. i faced your fcked up "jokes" before.. i know how hurtful it felt.. it doesnt feel like their laugh WITH you.. it feels like they are laughing at me .. FYI.. i nv agreed to be your joke .. i'm not a joke.. and now i see you doing it to some one else.. i'm not happy duh ..

Srsly .. i know i'm being petty but its annoying.. he is those type of people that is all bark and no bite..yes .. i read my own cousins.. whether i am right or wrong.. i woulden't know.. my father is the eldest and srsly.. i find he is the best.. he is some1 who has the bark and the bite.. while the other 2 .. are just all talk... the host is the MOST noisiest one.. the other 1 .. plain weak..srsly.. his growl is my squeak .. no bite also ...still hate him for last time my family and his family go other country.. i think i was like 4/5 and my mom and dad were like out on their own to enjoy themselves leaving me and my elder sis with his family.. and like.. i'm 4/5.. obviously i cant find my mom and dad i would keep asking wanting to know where they are.. i still rmb how u shouted at us to shut up and all that...guess thats why i dun like my cousins.. i dun want to feel like i have to give them anything..like in future they need money for company.. i dun wanna be some1 they look for ... i wont lend them a cent

bunch of crabsticks =.=

Oh Oh .. and the bloody host JUST HAD TO bring up the whole muscles shiet ... cause his two sons.. one older than me by 1 and the other sec 4.. are like buff dudes...fyi the sec 4 one is buffer.. anyway.. its like.. he's talking to my elder sis about how their arms are big and all that .. and knowing him.. he talks loud... so every1 there were listening.. and like.. its fcked up.. its clearly sucha sensitive topic and yet it never fails to get shoved in my face... clearly in their minds.. they are eyeing the two dudes arms and comparing with the other guys in the room.. aka me and my other cousin who is also skinny.. and like.. its frustrating cus they are the types that are so oblivious of so many things...and they judge us so fast ... we are hard gainers.. we dun gain fat like you F*king shiets ... we eat but we dont gain but when we excercise we lose like bucket loads .. i'm not born so lucky as to have a "normal-typed" body like them... they were plump before.. its so freaking easy to convert those excess fats or watever into muscle.. I am skinny whether i like it or not .. even if i train like hell all i'd get is just definition and thats it why? cus i'm skinny and like.. i know it cant be helped but its like.. my family are so unaware of how i feel abt this..why cant they like give me some eye signal to hint that its ok or smth.. why do I give my elder sis " the WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS DUDE" face when he clearly says smth to insult her.. while she cant give me tat same face of understanding when he blurts out that disgusting topic =.=.. Train train also no use =.= dao huey.. Then they in their minds will think their more superior or smth .. when clearly it is because of their luck in body type bleh..

yes.. i think far and think alot .. even if they dun think so now... they will.. face it.. no 1 in this world is all that humble,gracious and watever.. After all.. dunno wad saying.. there is always light in the darkess places or smth.. well..vise versa.. there is always darkness in the lightest of places.. or smth like that ..

Well.. thats one heck of a long post.. i shud have continued doing my work but wadever.. dateline suppose to be like.. .now.. but watever.. submit tomorrow ..

EQ.. ha.. my ass =.=...

PS: i realise that my blog posts just destroys my EQ rep cus.. yeah.. things that i hide upon actual confrontation to prevent hurting of feelings are revealed here...

PSS: All my "brags" are not meant to show off to you.. its to tell you what i CAN do.. but yet.. u always seem to degrade my capabilities.. much like how u didnt think i'd shave .. but hey.. i do if i have a razor which i bought by myself no thanks to u...you'll regret looking down on me one day..then again.. there's nothing i can gain by scheming here..so maybe u WONT regret after all...after all.. u wont see it even if i reveal everything to u

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Poly is sucha buzzkill.. i would gladly idle ard all night with cha but the whole "school" crap is just ...BLEH!..

Skyscraper by Demi Lovato is simply awesome.. LOL

i feel like doing a cover of it.. but lol the note at the end is really ... OMG.. and horh.. my voice ar...haiz.. cmi :X LALALALLA

:D

Hmm... for some reason.. i decided to bear the full burden of nikki's operation.. at least.. in terms of money.. just transferred 1k to my sister's account..

I'm not to sure why.. but i feel like... i shuden make her pay for smth which I cause.. she just asked me why i did it.. and obviously i cant say this to her...she woulden accept the money.. heck she already wouldent want it...i had to say that i feel happy to pay.. which is kinda true cus it made me realise the importance of nikki.. but i kinda realise too that.. this is such a contradictive sentence.. seeing that i caused the problem to begin with.. all because i wanted to play my game..but thinking again... its not that.. my match ended.. i was just stupid and dumb.. as mentioned before.. its so funny how i talk abt competence when i can commit such dumb mistakes..bleh :P

My mom just walked in.. and pestered me to tell her why i pay and why my sister didnt mind not taking the money...she was insistent that my dad paid us when she told him not to... then in a turn of events.. where she kept pressurising me with things like.. i'm paying for my sis allowing her to buy more crap and like i dun take money srsly... haha i cried.. lol..cant help it.. cus i wanted to shout at her so bad.. but i still couldent do it .. cus it would cause more distress to everyone.. so i had to go for the soft approach with lead to tears instead of fire.. which.. i disliked.. i dun wan to be seen as weak.. plus.. it makes me look so unattactive..told her the real reason why i paid..

Anyway.. i was angry..till date she cant understand how my mind works.. i'm not stupid.. i know how to handle money... sure i spend more than most friends but at the same time.. i save much more than many... its based on percentage of the money i have.. i dunno how say but.. yeah... and like.. she say wad if she give me all her life-savings.. i would be soft hearted and give my sis.. i'm like.. i wont... and yet she was soooo persisitent to telling me how i shud save the money than give to sister despite me saying that i'm a person who analyze the situation before doing smth...and like.. i even told her I KNOW THAT YOU THINK THIS WAY LONG AGO.. like... srsly... i'm that fast...

Isit that hard to understand how i think...its just.. 2 - 3 steps ahead...in the end.. even though we ended off with a smile.. i'm typing this... i had to faked it off nicely for her before i yell at her for not being able to comprehend wad i've said despite shooting everything out to her...its been ages since i teared ..guess i know how much stress it is for some1 to ALMOST ( she kinda failed :X ) understand me... yikes.. thats kinda bad haha

Sometimes.. i feel like.. i'm just a scary person...if i met some1 like me.. o wait.. i did.. my teacher... and i kinda fear him...the idea that we can hurt anyone we choose to simply with our minds, figuratively speaking that is..

haha.. i even told her abt the whole one word affects the way i think... from raising your voice.. to adding a ONLY to the end of a sentence... even the speed of which u reply affects the way i judge u...i wonder if i met various types of people in my previous life.. cus for some reason.. i feel theres this portion of my brain that saves characteristics of certain people and when i observe these attributes being portrayed.. i am able to judge them ..isit normal? :X

Well.. i've kinda revealled alot here.. was reluctant too but o well... i'm already thinking too much abt my way of phrasing to ensure this doesnt come off too .. uhh...yucky? haha.. Louis ar louis.. cannot be so scary..try to be slower...dumber.. not act cus u do that very often...BE those things..jiayou ~

Hmm..knowing that i've to pay 2k ++ for nikki.. i kinda feel happy ..

This past 2 days without her made me realise how empty the house feels ... Even though i dun play with her like alot .. i stay in my room play game.. each time i go out to maybe go toilet or smth.. i will see her in her usual spot.. the black sofa or brown sofa.. lying down.. i'll go over to her and remove dirt from her eyes.. hear her growl at me for disturbing her... rub her head a little then go back to room..

Cant wait to have her back

Hmm..but i think i shud get a job.. to better handle her.. 2k.. wow.. thats a huge toll on my wallet.. i've already decided to quit tennis.. sure i like it but.. yeah.. its 200 per 3 months.. so assuming i didnt quit for 30 months.. i would save 2k :D... As for items which i've been longing to buy.. like better face stuff.. oatmeal does it all... and as for that pull-up bar ..o well.. wait for NS lo...i dun wanna ask my parents cus they'll say the same thing... YOU DONT WORK OUT..>THE WEIGHTS IN UR ROOM NV USE DE... bleh.. lazy to listen... i dun wanna ask my frens cus... yikes.. $30++ i think... plus my birthday over haha..

Hmm.. i kinda wan to get a job.. but i'm quite bad in alot of things...My sister said dancer.. nah.. cant freestyle.. will fail audition...Now all i can think of is model.. but..i suck in finding these stuff.. i really envy those frens who got spotted or got connections and all that...super li hai.. BLEH BLEH nvm.. i shall go sleep.. super bored.. got work but...u know me :P

Side note.. i kinda feel weird thinking positively abt something so extreme but hey... it goes to show that watever the circumstance .. as long as u look at things positive..you can make it SEEM positive...am i making sense.. i mean.. afterall.. my dog is kinda facing shit here...yet i'm going all.. "i dun mind paying cus i now realise her importance in my life" when i shud be " HOLY IS SHE OK!?" ... o wait.. i still feel like that.. but...hmm..................POSITIVE!! *hint hint* ...

My dog had an issue with regards to a durian seed being stuck in her throat.. blah and blah.. she had to go thru with an operation in the end that cost 2k+ and my sis and I are bearing all the cost..now.. thru this event i've came to realise so much ...

How weak my elder sister really is...

Despite her strong fronts.. she is unable to manage stress well and panic whenever a hard decisions comes about...

How selfish my mom is...

I love how they go.. "let nikki die" and "dun waste the money" .. but for some reason.. the timing of everything makes it seem like my dad is looking at things from a viewpoint regarding how we, his children feel... unlike my mom who focuses on her own preferences and choice..

How evil i really am...

This is gonna be a long one cus.. its me ...Throughout the thing.. my mom and dad raged at my sister.. I wasnt there with her at the vet / hospital cus i in school.. anyway.. I know my sister is unable to go "fierce" on my parents like how she does with her siblings ... especially at this time.. and like.. i dunno why but throughout the whole period.. i kept thinking of what to say if a certain situation arises.. like if my dad calls or my mom.. and like.. i dunno why.. but i love.. yes.. LOVE imagining myself choking my mom .. not my dad cus.. he is stronger.. but.. hey.. i'm faster.. ANYWAY back on track.. its like.. if they told me to shut up while i'm talking...for some reason i feel happy and at the same time..insanely evil envisioning myself grab her throat and pinning her against her wall.. explaining to everyone how no one in this family could do shit...

Evil side apart.. my sister had a major breakdown.. talking abt daddy threatening to kill nikki even if she is cured.. and like..which is impt? .. when he thinks or nikki? like.. srsly... i felt annoyed that i wasnt there with her to scold him...he kill.. i report police.. easy as that.. does he really think he can win in a threat fight here? no way ... take my com? take my internet.. srsly...dont waste ur time .. u wont win..

Honestly speaking.. i was HOPING they called me...i was sooo prepared and ready to tell them off...shoving this major phrase in their face " if i'm nikki.. wad will u do" ..

Bleh.. so disgusted... so much incompetence everywhere that it makes me sick.. i really dont wanna seem like some awesome freak that knows everything ..but de heck..can i see something competent for once?

Of course.. the whole durain thing is my fault anyway.. who am i to talk abt competence when i gave her the durain.. sis ask me feed and look .. i forgot she gobble everything in like a few sec... sure enuf.. i put down.. she swallow in 2 sec flat... i shud hold .. i shud have tore piece by piece for her...sometimes i also dunno why i can be so stupid.. its like.. the most far end stuff that many dun care abt are things I focus on based on competence and what not...then this simple common sense thing i can forget.. i dunno how my brain works.. so fcked up sometimes yet so not fcked up..

Bleh.. anyway.. i really dun wanna bring up this situation any time in my life..i'm gonna post it here and dun wanna hear it again...no message pl0x :X i dun wanna think abt the 2k but hard not to...

Hmm.. hoping to find a modeling job if i can..but..sigh..not tall enuf and all that plus.. not very adventurous and photogenic.. BLEH...or shud i go for like.. dancer job..YUCKS nvm...i'm gonna quit tennis.. thats all i know

Meow~ I Did my hair today... looks black :( NAUUUUU

Asked for brown + orange but.. it came out black with one or two strands of orange.. bleh.. so ..so..BLACK..NAUUU

Heh.. u know.. its stupid how ppl think nth affects me just cus i smile and talk back with retarded mom jokes that makes me look more stupider.. I'm not stupid.. thats for one..I enjoy seeing how limited everyone's range of vision is..and i dun mean clear vision or looking far better or watever..

I mean like..why isit ppl judge and see others in a certain light so quickly and in sucha shallow manner..There is always.. and i mean ALWAYS more to it..

Wow.. i'm realy dunno how to express myself.. for those reading this.. just pretend it make sense.. wait.. who am i kidding.. even if i could express myself.. there's no point in understanding it..

Honestly.. its quite funny how i am deemed as retarded,chirpy,loud,clueless,etc, just because you see me as that..it just causes a retarded chain of psychological to occur.. it makes me THINK i really am like that and thus.. act accordingly.. it makes others THINK i am like that.. and see me in the same way which further triggers the first..now..wow.. i'm really clueless on how to express it...

Lets see.. in different situations.. i act differently.. thats who i am.. I'm someone who changes everything about myself to best suit the person I am talking to.. its not because i want to please the person but its because it feels natural to me, i feel better all that jazz... ARGH how do i say it... like.. i'm not slow or stupid ... dun see me as that.. like.. if i can change myself to suit ppl.. there must be an attribute which i have that allows me to do so.. why else can i analyse the ppl around me well enuf to talk in a manner that best suit you? something like that.. it sounds so far fetch in a way.. like.. its retarded how fantasy and magical it sounds like.. wad change personaility.. but yeah thats the best i can express it..

FYI..i change my manner of speech to suit u.. so if u deem me as slow and stupid or watever.. yeah.. there is a reason .. if u suddenly have any problems that require an increase in sophistication .. u will definately see a change.. o wait.. who am i kidding.. u wouldent =.=... because practically everyone will still continue to save that image of dumbo louis in their brains :D wad joy eh?

oh ya and.. dun take advantage of me will ya? :D.. i dont need you fyi...dun ask me and use retarded guilt shots to get me to do something i dun want to..i can read into all these cheap shots and i know the type of mental affect ur trying to slap me with .. yes .. i can be a scary person.. sure i cant argue cus i am a nub shit that abides by "dun interupt others when they are speaking" but dun take advantage of me..more often than not .. in arguments.. i am just dying to punch you ...

right now u may be thinking.. omg louis.. grow up.. dun make urself sound so (so and so)..yeah.. maybe i am being immature and still thinking that i am all these.. but hey.. i dont know.. i would love for YOU to tell me wad i really am but face it.. u cant.. no one can.. u will always keep that image of me being a dumb and gullible gay dude in ur tiny brain :D Until u can read me like an open book.. dun bother trying.. cus till date.. i know i'm suppose to say no one can to sound more cool but.. tbh.. my apel teacher is quite close to who i am as a person.. so.. yeah.. its scary how he did it even without knowing me that well.. yucks.. but hey.. i felt he was somewhat like me too... yucks..o..kay... i shud go do work.. PROCRASTINATING AGAIN YUCKS

Wow...just a random thought but I have a retarded vocal range lol..

Not a rant btw :D.. that day go chalet hor.. a fren accidently pick up a call .. appearently it was his mom and he kinda heard the things we did in the room for like 17mins.. and to give u an idea of wad we were doing.. lets just say.. when ur in a room with playful guys... yeah.. =.=...

ANYWAY .. *ahem* .. he suddenly said he couldent sleep over cus his mom heard a girl's voice.. and .. yeah.. it was me.. HAHA... hilarious.. yeah.. point here being.. i realise i have a very high pitch girly voice.. but.. at the same time.. i can make it much lower than any of my guy frens... so yes.. retarded vocal range.. soooo happy :D

But heres the yucky part.. how do i make it sound nice.. HAHAHAH..

Just recorded "one moment in time" one with higher pitch and another lower.. as always its so different from how i heard it in my head.. but yeah.. i really dunno which is the singing voice.. higher pitch feels more natural while lower feels forced.. however.. lower sounds more normal than the higher.. LOL...Blur :X..

Anyway yeah thats all :D i'm being random.. OH YA.. and i procrastinated from work.. off-ed my com to do work on my lappy at like.. 6? guess wad... its going to be 12 and i did nth :( CURSE U YOUTUBE!!!!!!!!!!!

More often than not, "hidden feelings" doesn't work on me. I just choose to know or not.

Alrighty..today we had e-learning for one class so.. i guess i got to sleep more :D Needed it.. yesterday no 1 at home so i could sing and record like crazyyyy yayyyy.. as always i hated the playbacks but watever :D

Got back DBIS today.. kinda disappointed ( wads new =.=) I got A.. but YUCKS.. lost 3 marks... 45/50.. shud be 48.. highest in class is 48.5....ARGH got two of them somemore !! EU()(#@*U)@*#& i wanna be a top :( damn...

its kinda funny how i got to check my marks though.. initially didnt want to see cus i scared no A..then i put my bag with the paper behind me... suddenly while doing work my fren say out loud 45.. LOLLLOL...every1 laughed .. i stun face haha...

Ok its kinda weird for me to post my day.. not used to it.. cus like.. so boring and so little on content of my view of life and stuff :X..

Anyway did jap with my team today.. i feel bad for them cus i kept on talking.. like i wan the story to go my way...i dunno why.. but i feel like their version is just not creative.. so...boring :(.. mine was REALLY REALLY random... like something u wouldent normally think about..they tried to make it more sane-like but... meow:(.. i dun like.. haha.. o well..

In the end we completed everything except for the translation...quite good..

hmm.. i guess thats it for my day..

I never did have one fixed emotion..when i smile.. there's another emotion hidden...when i rage.. there's another emotion hidden..i'm not covering what i'm feeling but..i know that of the two.. one would not cause others distress..Haha..so much meaning to this statement..I like :D

"my parents are rich wad" / " you rich wad"

... i hate these lines...

More often than not, "hidden feelings" doesn't work on me. I just choose to know or not.

Alrighty..today we had e-learning for one class so.. i guess i got to sleep more :D Needed it.. yesterday no 1 at home so i could sing and record like crazyyyy yayyyy.. as always i hated the playbacks but watever :D

Got back DBIS today.. kinda disappointed ( wads new =.=) I got A.. but YUCKS.. lost 3 marks... 45/50.. shud be 48.. highest in class is 48.5....ARGH got two of them somemore !! EU()(#@*U)@*#& i wanna be a top :( damn...

its kinda funny how i got to check my marks though.. initially didnt want to see cus i scared no A..then i put my bag with the paper behind me... suddenly while doing work my fren say out loud 45.. LOLLLOL...every1 laughed .. i stun face haha...

Ok its kinda weird for me to post my day.. not used to it.. cus like.. so boring and so little on content of my view of life and stuff :X..

Anyway did jap with my team today.. i feel bad for them cus i kept on talking.. like i wan the story to go my way...i dunno why.. but i feel like their version is just not creative.. so...boring :(.. mine was REALLY REALLY random... like something u wouldent normally think about..they tried to make it more sane-like but... meow:(.. i dun like.. haha.. o well..

In the end we completed everything except for the translation...quite good..

hmm.. i guess thats it for my day..

I never did have one fixed emotion..when i smile.. there's another emotion hidden...when i rage.. there's another emotion hidden..i'm not covering what i'm feeling but..i know that of the two.. one would not cause others distress..Haha..so much meaning to this statement..I like :D

More often than not, "hidden feelings" doesn't work on me. I just choose to know or not.

Alrighty..today we had e-learning for one class so.. i guess i got to sleep more :D Needed it.. yesterday no 1 at home so i could sing and record like crazyyyy yayyyy.. as always i hated the playbacks but watever :D

Got back DBIS today.. kinda disappointed ( wads new =.=) I got A.. but YUCKS.. lost 3 marks... 45/50.. shud be 48.. highest in class is 48.5....ARGH got two of them somemore !! EU()(#@*U)@*#& i wanna be a top :( damn...

its kinda funny how i got to check my marks though.. initially didnt want to see cus i scared no A..then i put my bag with the paper behind me... suddenly while doing work my fren say out loud 45.. LOLLLOL...every1 laughed .. i stun face haha...

Ok its kinda weird for me to post my day.. not used to it.. cus like.. so boring and so little on content of my view of life and stuff :X..

Anyway did jap with my team today.. i feel bad for them cus i kept on talking.. like i wan the story to go my way...i dunno why.. but i feel like their version is just not creative.. so...boring :(.. mine was REALLY REALLY random... like something u wouldent normally think about..they tried to make it more sane-like but... meow:(.. i dun like.. haha.. o well..

In the end we completed everything except for the translation...quite good..

hmm.. i guess thats it for my day..

I never did have one fixed emotion..when i smile.. there's another emotion hidden...when i rage.. there's another emotion hidden..i'm not covering what i'm feeling but..i know that of the two.. one would not cause others distress..Haha..so much meaning to this statement..I like :D

Wow 3 post in 1 day..

Anyway.. i realised that lately.. all my posts are so negative and disgusting.. since when have i become like that? I dont rmb.. haha its so funny how i've become like that without even knowing.. i guess it all started after poly started...

Weee.. i've decided to stop posting negative things.. i'm sure its gonna be hard but yeah.. i shall try to stop.. i'm sure it will occasionally pop up though but.. yeah :D.. bear with it..

Tomorrow got school :( yucks.. i guess i gotta go sleep now... but before i go snooze...

My dark circles are getting more prominent.. gotta conceal them or it'll scare people.. even if it requires loads of effort :D Cannot let the concealer come off..Its just too horrible haha

I hate ur whining..u're self-centered in my eyes.. I really dont know why and cant explain why but u just are.. it pisses me off..its like.. why cant u just learn to be giving and give way to others.. just cause we give it doesnt mean we WANT to.. but rather we feel like we should.. I hear almost everyone of my other friends do so.. except for u..

When shit happens.. u whine... when shit doesnt go ur way.. u whine.. its frustrating to constantly hear it..but of course.. why would i post this if it didnt affect me right?

Yes..this is where my analytical part of me shines...because.. i bet all of u reading this now.. are like.. Louis.. u whine a lot too.. and this is where i get frustrated for thinking so far ahead into things..why do i have to start thinking so into things from the moment i have to.. for once.. i just wanna be an idiot that doesnt know..

Ok.. heres the thing..it pisses me off because he is whining about retarded things...i dun wanna say WAD here because i dont know who reads my posts...but its like..i feel that there is some sort of resentment towards me because of my constant complaining of stuff..and i guess i find it unfair that he isnt shown any.. am i the only one who notices these stuff? am i looking into things too deeply for my own good? its like...wad he whines abt are like super not-impt stuff.. like.. REALLY not impt.. and yet ppl tries to tell him to relax..why do i.. who complains abt things that matter so much to me... like my grades..get a different form of reply.. i know their joking but.. sometimes its really frustrating... just cus i LOOK like i dun mind the way u reply.. doesnt mean i FEEL like i dun mind..FYI.. grades are impt to me cus i wann go to a uni in singapore so that i dun waste money to go other country so yes.. it matters ( sorry reading ahead )

Its really bothersome... to want to help ppl...they often..no wait.. they ALWAYS take advantage of it..fyi.. I DONT OWE U ANYTHING.. i choose to help at my own free will cus i'm just that way.. too fcking nice and naive...as much as i always tell myself that i can beat down those who take advantage of me... i still cant bring myself to do it..

Often then not.. I see myself doing crazy things..preparing myself for when it happens.. it sounds fishy but.. in my eyes its not.. take car accidents for example...to people its like.. once u run out onto the road with a speeding car about to hit u in 1 sec .. u die.. to me.. i've thought about it and like.. jump?! .. i mean its the bumper that kills u.. jump past that and trip on the windshield.. sure u get hurt but... u live right? I know its hard to say cus i haven really been in situations where this random thoughts were of any use...whether or not i can pull them out in time.. i dun know.. point is.. having think of things far ahead.. i feel like.. if really it happens.. i am at least 1 sec faster in reaction..why am i beating ard the bush.. physically .. i can kick ur ass.. dun talk abt strength now.. i have thought abt retarded moves and i can kick ur arse :D Put it this way.. in a game of catch..normal ppl choose to outrun the catcher.. i choose to outsmart him..

Now that thats done :D.. hurrah.. i really didnt know where i was going with that.. it was just a random rant again.. wow i shud name this continuous-rants :D.. i hate my blog name XD.. but lazy ask ppl relink bla bla so nah...

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Read into things again and..do i get irritated when you hate on ur nails?

Oh i just realise that i've 300 post already.. this is 301 :D yay..

Ok one word.. CONTRIBUTE .. lol.. i love how my mom asks me to teach my sister math while she sits on her bum watching tv and playing her computer game.. her msg very aizai today...

"No more delay. You have to teach your sis. Her PSLE in sept! you have to sacrifice your game for one hour plus. I dont think its too much to ask from your mom!"..

Li hai li hai.. honestly i dun mind sacrificing to teach her..last exam i saw her use my methods and get the question corrects which is good.. but hor... i really dun wanna hear wad "sacrifice" from u when u clearly are too lazy.. u say u dunno? then go learn.. isit so hard? U think i in poly learn math ar? I teach and recap la.. Srsly so much incompetence .. not too much to ask... yeah is not much.. i dun mind... but hor.. isit too much for you to contribute? Paying for tuition fees is bull of an excuse to me.. money =/= effort/ contribution...

Ok rant over :D

Now..to..the...happy....Hmm.. no happy things to post...Lol...eh who reads my blog ar.. i wanna know.. i only assume its zazz, veron and shihui cus at least i know whether or not i can do this like.. "message" thing..like wad i'm doing now

LOL PAISEH FOR NOT REPLYING.. i know i spoil the...chat? I know that if i reply at that time...the chat would continue rather than 5 hours late and have it cut off at a...awkward spot.. lol.. am i making sense? :( paiseh XD

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I knew wad u were feeling from the start and :D .. glad ur opening up more..the rest of wad i'm gonna say.. i'm sure u can predict.. starts with C .. and.. yeah.. sometimes wad u think others are thinking.. really isnt wad they are...BLEHHH LALALALAL LBYE!!!!!!!

Here's a rant again..WUU!! So anyway.. back story is.. I woke up late and so i didnt go for my jap tutorial cus like... no point.. late le..so instead of leaving the hse at 8 smth.. i left at 10 ++ after jap lesson to meet frens in school..so going leave soon, i had convo with mom... and now.. this is where i rant..

She nagged at me abt not going school cus i late.. which fine... i admit i was wrong.. but then she went on about the REASONS to why ... and obviously.. we all know.. GAMES!! wuus.. and for some reason.. i feel pissed.. and no.. its not bcus i really was doing work last night and she didnt know.. but because she doesnt know how useless her words ar..its like..who on earth does she think she is talking to? I've been born into this world for like 18 years and yet she doesnt know who I am as a person? Heck.. why is it no one in my family knows me as a person.. my characteristics, my mentality...why? Am i that hard of a nut to crack.. cus honestly i dun think so..Its like.. if she knew how i thought abt things.. she shud know that her words are meaningless to me cus..I KNOW! like god.. the amount of pressure and stress that i put on myself every single day due to my procrastinating nature is like 10x more scarier than the amount she could invoke through those mere words of hers.. and its like.. cant u do smth else other than make that 10folds into 11?

And shes like.. "i see u everytime playing"...THATS WHO I AM!.. damn it.. i know i know.. LOUIS ITS AN EXCUSE.. honestly.. i dun care if it is... if its an excuse so be it.. i shall tell u my EXCUSE..heres the thing my wonderful reader... I HATE STUDYING.. i have mentioned in countless posts that i hate it.. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE...and like.. it pisses me off whenever she says "He/she is not the study type".. whenever intellect is measured...i really dunno why she defends others and not me when it comes to this aspect..my intellect ( yes i sound braggish dun rub it in =.= ) does not guage my ability in doing work.. its just my brain that understands, reads and memorise things faster than most ppl ( i think la.. or maybe i understand well i dunno ) I talk abt my nursary fren whom is now in my tennis claz ( sudden ) .. i say he most likely NA/NT... she say .. he not the study type... My sister do horribly for math and all that.. she say she not the study type.. wtf? Thats not a reason...I'm also not the study type.. but why can I get into express... why can i solve math questions .. maybe its just cus i want to be praised.. but honestly.. it pisses me off.. its like.. the more i do well.. the more i am seen as some1 who is SUPPOSED to be hard working and do well...I DUN WANT THAT.. u are all setting retarded views/aims for this illusion u have of me.. THATS NOT ME!.. god =.=.. and there i am.. having to hear ur crap abt how i am not working hard all because u THINK i am some1 who shud/will...Why not.. Why not ar... u ask ur daughter to show better grades? She is the hardworking type... gosh=.=

Ok ! anyway .. done with that "little" rant... i kinda dunno wad to talk abt now...

Anyway i went out with zazz and veron today to watch transformers.. and .. meow~ i dun wanna go into specific stuff abt wad we did but simply put it... movie - chat - home :D But .. hmm the girls were kinda talking alot abt their stuff and.. although they told me to talk abt my stuff.. i kinda had nth... SORRY!!.. shall try and say some stuff here since.. yeah...

ok.. so.. i told u guys that i get jealous when i see other dudes with big arms.. well..i dun think i'm clear.. lol... its not the arms.. as in in the whole.. the proportion of it all LOL.. sounds weird but just wanna be clear that its not some weird arm fetish thing LOL cus like.. dunno le.. i find they so lucky got nice body i jealous :(.. i wan be model also cannot cus too skinny due to retarded genes :( yucks...

Hmm.. just now the hair thing...uhh..it kinda made me realise why i dye my hair alot... ok wait stop from here first.. my sister came in and now i'm pissed..

As a gamer and some1 who totally cant multi task.. i often cant feel the vibrations of a phone.. let alone focus on a conversation... and u know.. its like.. she LOVES coming in to ask me shit which i often try my best to entertain and just now .. she came in with that wtf attitude asking me why i didnt say it was me when she asked me abt the oatmeal scrub.. ok background check.. i've been using oatmeal to cleanse my face.. ANYWAY back to it.. its like... OBVIOUSLY she "asked" me.. when i was playing a game...haven she learnt by now that i cant focus on her words when i'm playing? Like get a clue .. i know.. its partly my fault for playing very often and having fucked up multi tasking skills.. but cant u adapt to my characteristics? I say Uh and yeahs to everything cus .. face it .. almost every thing u ASK ( not tell) is impt... does it make u look fat... is it nice... is it too big... are u slimmer.. srsly... retarded questions.. i say yes u dun believe.. i say no.. u angry.. so best... Uh .. yeah.. dun care just say ..so yeah.. hating the words " i ask u that day...".. cannot stand it cus often than not.. i never hear at all =.=...dun worry.. like mother like daughter.. :D... i really want to go up to them and say.. I TOLD U THAT DAY ... only to hear them say NEVER LEH.. and get a kick out of it ..

ok back to things..i dye my hair cus i hate my hairstyle.. its like..the one feature abt myself that i hate... I hate styling my hair and want it to look nice un-gelled.. so yeah...i dye it cus i cant have a good hair cut haha was kinda disappointed when i saw.. THE HAIR just now at GV .. cus it was styled ... damn :(...WHY MY HAIR LIKE SHIT LOL

Uhh.. wad else...Oh ya.. just now when i say .. if i read into things too much tell me.. i meant it.. cus .. i kinda have a habit of doing that .. oh oh and i dun wish to sound smart whenever i give my suggestions and opinions when "those" problems surfaces

Wad else....ARGH I DUNNO! I DUN WANNA THINK! YUCKS!..I WAN A PULL UP BAR BUT IT COST $30++ #*)@*#@*)@ ok BYE :D HAHAHAHHAHA I WAN A NEW FACEBOOK PROFILE PIC CUS MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE SHIT!! JEN SHIHUI BREN...WHERE IS OUR PHOTOSHOOT PICS!! NEW PROFILE PIC NEEDEEEEDDDDDDDD

Ignore this emo-ish quote that i thought of that summed up wad i was thinking abt the whole journey home..

I guess for everything.. but there are somethings that I simply cant bring myself to.